Right' You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge. Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos". You think that safe sex is a padded headboard on the waterbed. You consider a three piece suit to be: Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board. The two female-chasing buddies who were both briefly bottomless were:
Fifth grade was the best six years of your life. Your family has been ripping off designers like me for years. Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass. I know enough Southern girls to recognize that they don't interrupt makeout sessions in their Justin Moore-approved barn loft to ask you if a dragon roll is the reason for your limp handshake. The paranoia of any food that didn't drip grease was encompassed under the blanket term "salmonella," a mysterious disease that attached itself to every item that didn't have a breaded epidermis. You've ever hit a deer with your car The tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men. Your family has been ripping off designers like me for years. You've ever given rat traps as gifts. You've ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister's honor. You use a weedeater in your living room. Your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock. You won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car. Your pickup has a two-tone paint job -- primer red and primer gray. Continue Reading Below Advertisement A circular plate is logical. Every one of the Grandma Uncle's Country-Home-Cooked Barbecue Diner-type restaurants near my home used circular plates, and all the small-town, kick-your-boots-off-and-sit-a-spell, ain't-nothin'-wrong-with-hard-work-and-Jesus-Christ-Almighty food they served was arranged according to a sort of unspoken pie chart rule. You pick your teeth from a catalog. You wear cowboy boots with Bermuda shorts. You take a fishing pole into Sea World. My girlfriend Sherry went out with him. Eric Douglas, Kirk Douglas' youngest son to have her "Tommy" car officially endorsed to race at Daytona, although Randy would be driving it. The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are "Howdy! It turned out to be an unamusing sex comedy romp about two sex-crazy guys spending a wild weekend in a luxury Miami, Florida resort hotel. You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't. Your entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the Governor to spare a loved one. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does. You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
Video about redneck women looking for sex:
Dirty Girls Party in the Mud at Redneck Mud Park - Florida
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